Monday, November 29, 2010

Remember when....

I'm going to start a new fad right now. This is groundbreaking I tell you....groundbreaking.
Ok, not really. BUT I am starting a new thing on my blog called REMEMBER WHEN?
I always think of funny things that happened in the past, but I never write them down because they're just random. Usually they'll just be short little stories that are pretty much only funny to me and those who were there....but I'd like to remember them. So I'm going to write them down, and you'll just have to suffer through them. Hey, it's my blog and I write what I want!

Yesterday while I was helping my mutha decorate her tree, I remembered a really awesome tree decorating incident from back when I was 6 years old.

We had softball size bulbs for our tree and I thought it was AmAzInG that I could see my reflection in them. I was making all sorts of dashing-ly funny faces in this bulb, laughing all the way HA HA HA (did you catch that? Yess). At one point I started opening my mouth really wide just to see what that little hangy down thing in the back of my mouth looked like in a bulb. I'm pretty sure that at this point something possessed my 6 year old body, because I got the sudden urge to bite the glass bulb...and I did it. Who in their right mind does that?? Honestly! You can guess what happened next. The bulb shattered into millions of pieces all over in my mouth and I thought I was going to die....literally. How did I get it out, you ask? This next part is ingenious! My mom got out the VACUUM, put an attachment on the hose, and sucked my mouth out! How disgusting/germ ridden is that?? Yet completely clever! Props to my mom for saving my life that day via the vacuum.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Adding a little somethin somethin to the pictures

We played laser tag with these fools, then KellzBellz had the audacity to say I ruined her pictures. rude.

Ok, so I looked like total turd that night...but I see nothing wrong with popping up out of nowhere & making the ugliest face you can muster in the background of someones picture.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Lucky day and surgery

Can I just start by saying that I cannot stand the Fresh Start Dental commercial?! Has anyone seen this? You know, the old lady finally gets her teeth fixed and she *fake* cries as she bites into an apple? Hellz bellz. Could this be any cheesier. I mean, I'm sure the lady is excited to be able to bite into an apple after 30 years of not being able to do so....but to add the *fake* crying is just more than I can handle at this point in my life. One of these days I want to take a picture of my face while I'm watching that commercial. It will have baffled written all over it.

*sigh* on to more important things. Can you tell I've been watching a lot of TV the last few days?

Today has been a better day than I planned for. I woke up not feeling so good. Sore, weak, tired...ya know, the usual post surgery complaints. I was bound and determined to get out of the house though. I felt cooped up, and I've watched the apple scenario mentioned above one too many times the last three days. I ventured out and actually took a shower today. Who's proud of me? My goal for today was to get my car Emission and inspection done. I have a broken big ol long crack. I knew it wouldn't pass, but I went to get it checked out anyway. The front desk girl was super awkward/weird. After I had been there for 10 min she looked at me and said "do you want a tootsie roll?" uhhh. Of course the fella checking out my car came in and said my windshield needed to be replaced, so he would have to fail me for now. I went to the awkward front desk girl to pay and she gave me a $7 discount for being an Intermountain employee. Then when I got my paperwork back it said I had passed! He "forgot" to mark it as FAIL. Woohoo! Guess who gets to drive around with a broken windshield for the next 2 years??? I am fully aware that cracked windshields are white trash. I get that. But if being white trash saves me $250, I am all for it. I might have to give up my pride, but who needs that anyway? THEN I was feeling so good about all of my savings that I headed to Rite Aid to buy Mascara. When I got there it was on sale for 40% off plus I found a $2 off coupon in my purse. When was the last time you spent $2.49 on your mascara, huh? I bet you wish you were me right now.

Lets get to the surgery everyone keeps asking me about. Dr Beer (ok, it's really Bierer but it's pronounced Beer-er...I even clarified the pronunciation with his nurse the first time I saw him) did find endometriosis. He lasered it out, he flushed my tubes with saline, and the next thing I knew I was in the recovery room next to a crazy lady wanting morphine every 2.5 seconds. As far as I'm concerned I was the most normal patient in the recovery room at that time. The lady to the left of me was being dramatic and her nurse kept telling her...very sternly.... to relax and go back to sleep. The lady on the right was the morphine-queen and her nurse had to keep telling her she couldn't have more meds. The girl in the middle just cried and calmly asked for her husband and a drink of water. This may or may not have been me. Ok, it was me. Dangit!
Ten minutes after I woke up they wheeled me into my room, and my nurse told the other nurse to go get my husband stat....ok, he didn't say stat. That was just for dramatic affect. Dan came into the room and I was all better. We got to go home a half hour later. Isn't it weird how the side effects and pains from surgery usually have nothing to do with the area that was operated on? The worst pain I have had has been in my shoulder and my right side from the gas that was pumped into me. For some reason it plants itself in those two places and it feels like someone is constantly stabbing me. Oh, and lets not forget about trying to pee. "Feel the burn" took on a whole new meaning! Yikes. Speaking of urine, the CNA got mad at me for not being able to give her a sample when I first got there for a pregnancy test. I finally told her I hadn't drank anything for 12 hours (as directed by your nursing staff) so she'd have to draw blood. She rolled her eyes at me and sighed. Seriously??!! After that I never had to see her again. A nice nurse came in and started my IV and drew my blood. Then she hooked me up to Bair Paws which is a warming device that blows warm air into plastic chambers inside your gown, and it makes you look like a gigantic fatlard. Fun huh? Don't worry, we took pictures. I have 2 incisions, one in my belly button and one 3 inches down from my belly button. They're pretty cool to look at in the mirror. Just sayin.
Dan took care of me Tuesday and Wednesday (in between playing Black Ops along with 3 MILLION other people), and today I am going at it alone because Dan had to work. I wish he could have stayed home. It's much more fun to have someone else make you french toast. My great friend Krista brought over a shake, a kit kat, pumpkin soup, a card, and a Dr Pepper yesterday. Isn't she fab? Just what the doctor ordered! =)

Bair Paws

I have no urine to give

Monday, November 8, 2010


As I sit here my home looks like a tornado hit it. In a way, it did. It's name was Zayden. My makeup spread from here to next week, pen mark on my couch, videos drug out, puffs scattered all over the floor, toys laying lifeless, and pee filled diapers sitting by the garbage can. I usually try to have this cleaned up before I go to bed, but today I am breaking my own rules and leaving it. I'll feel guilty about it all night just so you know. When Dan walks in tomorrow morning and sees it I'll pretend I'm asleep, but really I'll be beating myself up wondering why I didn't just clean it up before I went to bed. Ah well.

We visited Arizona land last week. The flight is only 1 hour and 30 minutes. When we boarded the plane I realized how spoiled/crazy we are these days. For one 90 minute flight we brought: 2 IPODS, 1 PSP, 6 PSP games, 1 laptop, 1 flash drive with 3 movies on it, and two headphones. Honestly! Is it just me or is that ridiculous?! Whatever happened to reading a book,doing a word search, or getting to know your neighbor that you're awkwardly touching thighs with? The Arizona sun came out just for us. Low to upper 90's all week. Thanks for that. It reminded me of how much I LOVE having actual seasons....(hot and hotter are not seasons hun). The changing of the leaves are incredible every year. The smell of the dusty old heater turning on warms my innards (in nards...hahaha. What kind of word is that?!). Yesterday we took my nephew to the park and he crunched through the leaves, and kicked them up in the air for the first time in his 18 month life. It was awesome. I was excited for him...I can't wait to build snowmen with him! I remember one of the first times Dan saw snow falling from the sky. His eyes lit up like a kid at a candy store. I felt sad that Arizona had deprived him of something so amazing for 21 years! I will say that Arizona is a nice place to visit in late December when I'm starting to get sick of the snow though. It's a nice break from heavy ski coats and ice filled roads.
Back to the subject....this was the first year Dan and I visited his family over Halloween. We usually visit over Christmas or Thanksgiving. Dan of course dressed up.....and me,the Halloween equivalent of the grinch, did not. Boo for fun sponges! He was Where's Waldo. Total nerd. We made most of the costume too. I was quite proud of us! On Saturday night we went miniature golfing with Dan's little brother and his new found love, Kamri. We also found out that Dan's parents call it goofy golfing. Uhhhhhh. I find nothing goofy about miniature's serious stuff. Dan beat me by ONE point. That's the closest I have ever been to beating felt almost as good as winning.

On Monday we went to the cheesecake factory with Dan's parents for his mom's birthday. We didn't have cheese cake though...does that make us weird?

We got to see Dan's friends, ate at Jack in the Box way too many times, got sick (probably from the aforementioned), had family dinner, & Dan went trick or treating with some of the kids. I stayed home and dominated at Bubble Talk.....orrrr totally sucked...I can't remember.

Looks like there are some weddings in the works with the Fisher boys, so hopefully we will be get to be there for those next year!

On to other shtuff.

Shaun T visited my living room last week. He's the dude from the INSANITY workout videos. His video's should be called pure and utter hell. I saw my life flash before my eyes during this workout. Don't ever do it. Never ever. Stick to Richard Simmons, he's much kinder.

Did I really just fill out a paper planning my husbands funeral "just in case"? Yes, I did. His work asked for it. It asked who would give his eulogy, what song he wants played, & what poem he wants read. It even asked who his pallbearers would be. It had too much detail. I didn't like that paper. It's going in the mail tomorrow. Let's hope we don't have to see it again for a long time! As a side note....when I googled "songs to be played at a funeral" it popped up with Rape Me by Nirvana. Uhhh. Awkwaaard.

We started our Bunco group the other night. SUPER FUN! I won a fall centerpiece. It's a fantastic addition to our home. Can't wait for next month!

A few weeks ago we went to a Suns game with some friends, Travis & Hillary. Of course we were rooting for the Suns in the Jazz arena. I feel so alone in that place wearing purple and cheering while every one else is silent and/or booing. I feel like the fat kid that everyone hates at recess. It's terrible. I'm not sure I knew what marrying a Suns fan completely entailed. I learned quickly though. The things we do for love!

Tomorrow is the big day for my surgery! I'm sorry, but I have seen one too many intubations to NOT be worried about this. What if my trachea is all weird and small or something and they have to keep trying. What if they let a Henager try to intubate me? What if I start throwing up profusely through the tube and the suction isn't hooked up so everyone starts scrambling and trying to hook it up...meanwhile someone is bagging me, pushing all the $%#@ into my lungs. Ok, that last one was just something I watched happen and I pray to never see it again...and you thought everything went perfect in hospitals, didn't you? Back to the surgery-it's only supposed to last 45 minutes. The scope will go through my belly button, and if any lesions are found they will be lasered away. I'm paranoid that they aren't going to find any lesions and I'm going to wake up in the same situation I am in now....but I'll have a sore throat and a weird looking belly button to go along with it.Oh, and a bill bigger than my budget. That's the risk I take though. Everything will be fine. I feel like my doctor is competent and he seems to be very confident in his work. I cooked 3 casseroles tonight so Dan could have something to eat for the next few days while I lay in bed dreaming about having a baby. We got the Xbox Kinect (google it) today, so I'm sure he will be out in the living room jumping around like a maniac keeping himself highly entertained. Could someone text him every few hours and remind him to check on his wife? K, thanks. ;)

I've been writing this post off and on for two weeks. It's choppy and terrible....and it has no pictures. Boo for lameness, but I must get some sleep and some house cleaning done before tomorrow.

P.S.--just so you know, whenever Dan creates an avatar of himself he always has it wear a monocle. He thinks it's hilarious...I'm secretly worried he will start wearing one when he's old.