Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Rantings of a non sports fan.

I'm not a sports fan. In fact, I'm the most un-competitive person I know. I would love it if everyone could win and we could all go home happy. But alas, that dream of mine will never come true. Dan on the other hand....sports fan...competitive....likes to talk "trash" as they call it. How did he end up with a humbug like me? Only heaven knows.

On Monday Dan took me on a date to the Suns vs Jazz basketball game in Salt Lake (he cons me in by calling it a date). I hate going (can I just lay it out there like that?). My anxiety rises to 100% when we go and here's why....

We can't just go with the flow. No, we have to root AGAINST the Jazz while everyone else in the stadium is rooting FOR them. My heart rate increases just thinking of this. You are automatically hated by 20,000 people (give or take) because you're wearing purple and everyone else is wearing blue. Is anyone else feeling awkward yet? There is so much tension between you and the persons next to you that you could cut it with a knife (if you don't cut your wrist first).

The seats are waaaay too close together & there should be rules about these seats, kind of like airplanes. If your buns cannot fit in one seat, you must buy two.. Now lets face it, I'm not the skinniest person in America (close second), but my "A" fits in one seat (and I thank my lucky stars daily for that). The lady next to me on the other hand needed to follow the airplane rule. I'm not being rude, I'm just sayin''s a bit awkward when I have to scoot over and lean to one side for 3 hours because she decided she could fit in one seat.

People are rude, inconsiderate, poor sports. I COULD NOT believe what was coming out of people's mouths. Heaven forbid the ref actually call a foul against YOUR TEAM. Good freaking grief! I don't think there was one time during the entire game that at least one person around me didn't complain about a foul against their team. This is why I love Dan--even though he is a HUGE Suns fan, he still admits when a call is unfair or when it could have gone one way or the other. He's not one of the jack holes that cries over every call and starts yelling obscenity's to the ref that is 3 million miles away from him and cannot hear a WORD he is saying...nor does he care about your objections. These people just sound ridiculous. The worst is when other fans around them start agreeing. People literally turn around and give each other thumbs up for yelling out like angry vultures.

The smell of beer is enough to make a person vomit. I'm not one to care if you drink or not. It has no affect on me...but 7 beers for one person sitting inches away from hundreds of other people is too many. It just is.

When your team loses (like the Suns did) you have to walk out with thousands of other people mocking you. Dan and I were smart enough to remove/hide our Suns paraphernalia before leaving the stadium so no one would say anything to us....lest Dan punch them in the face.

It's loud in there. Especially when the Jazz fans get mad at their team and start booing them (seriously the funniest part of the night...I laughed so hard I almost forgot about the lady's thighs taking up half my seat.)!!

It costs too much. $40 for one seat in the upper bowl is redonkulous. As far as I'm concerned Dan bought me $80 worth of anxiety, but I still love him.

Alas, the night ended and we drove home.....but not before 15 trash-talking text messages and 3 calls from Dan's Jazz fan buddies.

What a lovely date...(hey, I'm just glad my husband likes to hang out with me)....can't wait til next year!

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